Snow Day

its a snow day today and I’m taking some time to work on my fifth re-write of the Yellow Blanket, my work in progress, that I’ve been working on for over 5 years. 

It’s also a great time to just be and sit on the couch and be still. I’m not very good at sitting still. I want to be on the move and go, go, go. Days like today are good for me even if they make me feel stagnant and weird. Things are getting done in my head and in the world without me having to be out there pushing to make it happen. 

I haven’t been blogging partly because I’ve been in a blogging funk. I go to blog and feel like what I have to say is boring and/or not interesting. I’ve also been busy with a new relationship.  I’ve been concentrating on the relationship lately and taking a lot of short trips around the area, work, and the holidays.

I have other priorities than blogging right now. It’s neither good nor bad.

It just is. 

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Eddie Rabbit

You’re four in the backseat of your parents blue Chevy Malibu station wagon pretending to be asleep. “I think she’s finally asleep,” your mom said to your dad as they drove across country. 

Eddie Rabbit was on the radio singing “I love a rainy night.” That was your favorite song. You’d listen to it on your parents hifi in Milton freewater.

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Back East

July 2015 7:45 am: You fly with your sister Katie, brother in law David and 3 year old niece Khloe on the same Alaska Air flight direct from Portland to Boston. They sit in row altogether clad in headphones glued to technology two rows back. You’re alone with your Willy Vlautin book next to a woman with a giant horse hoof for a foot who keeps impeading on your foot space. You take a picture of her foot with your iphone. You want to kick her foot out of the way.

8:45 am: You pull out your phone from your bag that you are constantly adjusting underneath the space in front of you and write on the notepad. The horse hoof foot is still there but you try to ignore it. 

You think about your maternal grandparents, Milton and Ruth, who are gone and lived in Maine. You think about the two trip out east in 2009: one in January when the ground was thick with snow drifts around Mercy Hospital in downtown Portland and you had that stupid boot on your foot because you sprained your ankle. You tried to get away from the two of them in the hospital together: Milton had pneumonia and Ruth a stroke. Milton was hooked up to so many machines it made you weepy every time you saw him. Ruth’s face was a fucked up mess. Half her body was paralyzed from the stroke. She tried to talk but all she could do was stare at you and blow air. The look will never go away: it said I’m dying but I love you. Ruth built a shrine to me, Mom and Katie in her bedroom: the Olan Mills family photo of my sister, mom and I from 1984, my sixth grade school picture with the bad perm, my black and white high school graduation photo with my hair down my back.

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Work has been 

super busy and so has my writing. I’m about to finish up the fourth complete draft of The Yellow Blanket and hand back to my editor. I’ve added another 65 pages that she’ll probably trim away at. We’ll see.  This draft has taken me most of August, September and October. 

I bought tickets to Japan and Korea for next spring. I’ll hit Japan for two weeks and Korea for two more. All in all I’ll be gone for a month and I’m super excited to see Japan for the first time and parts of Southern Korea, like the town of Busan that I have never seen. 

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Busy with this one and life…


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Getting robbed sucks

Two nights ago someone broke in through my open bedroom window and stole my eight year old Toshiba laptop. It had all of my writing for the past five years, a bunch of stuff related to Dinnergrrls, vacation photos, and stuff about my friend Michael who killed himself in 2006. 

All of my writing is backed up so no big whoop. All the other stuff is heartbreaking. 

Due to the age of the laptop it is literally only worth $10. If that. The fucker that broke in didn’t take anything else and quite honestly I don’t have anything of value in my house. 

I buy cheap clothes and furniture. I don’t really wear jewelry. 

The police came and took a report and fingerprints. I installed a home security system. I now lock all of my windows whenever I leave the house. 

To say I’m pissed off is an understatement.  I’ve never lived in any fear and this isn’t going to stop me.  

Getting robbed is expensive: the home security system and new laptop were not cheap. I’ve spent a lot of time going back and re-creating a bunch of computer files and files. The stuff that was backed up wasn’t really well organized. 

I’m really glad it’s there. 

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A little of this and that

I’ve been in the middle of a big re-write of the fourth draft of Yellow Blanket since early August. I’ve been super busy diving back in and re-living a lot of traumatic shit: the trial, the relationship with the boyfriend/non-boyfriend, my maternal grandparents deaths and a lot of stuff. 

I’ve had to go slowly even though I want to just plow through and be done with it. I always want to be done: my workaholic/anxious mind just wants to go, go, go. 

Pinewood Table started back up a few weeks ago and I’ve had to balance writing pages and editing for my weekly critique group with the massive re-write. Even though I’ve been quiet on the blog there’s been a lot of writing going on behind the scenes. 

I’ve also gotten involved with renters rights and housing in Portland. It’s a huge issue right now because artists are being priced out of the city with crazy out of control rents and a mayor with ties to the housing industry. Things are at a tipping point. Even though I’m a homeowner I was a renter for 13 years and I understand the struggle and want to help. 

I applied for a two week writing residency in southern Oregon and should find out soonish whether or not I got it. 

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