Thursday afternoon and I’m at the Laurelhurst duck pond trying to be grateful for a sunny day but the only thing that’s running through my head is deadlines and how I’m way behind on writing and my writing routine has fallen off. It used to be get up and write every day for an hour. Right now it’s more like every other day if I’m lucky.
Things have shifted into day time appointments with clients and tours of retail stores back to back. Writing reports and billing on the weekend.
And I’ve started to see someone but don’t want to write about them. The only thing I’ll say is that things feel calm and slow with this person. No running and chasing. I chased the boyfriend/non-boyfriend to the point of him being like a drink.
The lines of communication are open with this new person and I’m practicing telling him how I feel and what’s what. It’s easy.
At the duck pond the three ducks come ashore and nest. They tuck their beaks into their feathers and sleep. Their feet disappear and it’s zen.
My mind is a million miles a minute following my body that never wants to stop moving. Only wants to do more and more and more.
This morning at the naturopaths office it was a reminder to hold still. A radiology tech did an ultrasound on my carotid artery. I had to lay back on the table and be still.
Close my freaking eyes.
The radiology tech ran a device over my neck to look at the build up on my arteries. This was my reminder to freaking relax.
To calm the fuck down.
A heart attack.
Let me back up even more. Three weeks earlier the naturopath did a battery of blood tests. The results came back and my cholesterol had jumped from 199 to 276.
“It could be a result of your thyroid,” he said.
“Oof…” Was all I said.
He handed me a brochure about stroke and heart attack prevention and told me I should go vegetarian.
I left his office and made a conscious effort to calm the fuck down. Giving up bacon was going to be hard. So was steak and hamburgers.